Confessions of a Cheshire Cat
by Peaches and Sweet Cream
Summary: Allen is a waiter at the Black Order Cafe. With business dropping, his boss, Komui Lee, will do anything to get a certain customer. Even if that means dressing Allen up as a girl and sending him on dates with a mysterious, eye-patch wearing man. AU, Laven
1. Chokeberry Pie

((Thanks for reading this. Keep in mind that the first chapter has slight yaoi, and it begins to progress throughout the story. So, if you do not like that kind of stuff, please click the back button at your nearest convenience. Thank you.

I don't own anything.))

**Confessions of a Cheshire Cat**

**one. Chokeberry Pie**

The scent of roses overwhelmed my senses, and I drowned in the calming scent. I fell into a blue velvet chair, and was faced with a scarlet rabbit, which was perched on a rotting tree stump. The wooden stub was adorned with colorful fungi which hung down like morning dew off of its peeling bark. Curiously, I looked up; the sky resembled a swirling mix of rainbow sherbet. I felt my stomach growl like a feral dog, and I habitually covered it with my forearms, though the action did nothing for my current condition. Neon green herbs surrounded me on all sides and their soft leaves and miniature buds cushioned the chair on which I sat.

I turned my focus to the rabbit, whose bright eyes gleamed at me like milky marbles. However, the right eye seemed to have a shadow cast over it, though I could not find out where its origins were. Its mouth was twisted into an awkward smile that slightly unnerved me.

"So," the rabbit began, not much to my surprise, "What brings you here?" A cup of apple tea materialized in its paws, and it passed the mug to me. I eagerly took it and sipped it.

"Well, seeing as how this must be a dream, sleep has brought me to this realm." I replied, my eyebrows pressing together. I spit out the tea that had coated my tongue in a disgusting film. I looked at the tea, and noticed it had become redder until it was the color of the rabbit itself.

"What," it shook its head and snarled in disgust. "You don't drink blood?"

-

I woke up in a cold sweat. My hands scrambled for a cloth, and, despite the total darkness of my room, I managed to wrap my fingers around a rag, which I brought to my forehead. It soaked up the sweat instantly, calming me. My brain began to work again and my memories flooded back, including the ominous, premonitory dream that had just plagued my mind like an army of wasps.

I waited in silence, hoping that possibly someone might run inside the door- ("Allen! You look terrible!") -grab my arm- ("Let me warm you up) -and make sure I was all right. But nothing happened. Not the tiniest noise. In those few, lifeless moments, I knew I was alone, and that it wasn't going to change. One tear fell down my cheek. It rolled off my skin and onto my pillow. It stained the white cloth. My eyes closed again, and I felt my eyelids droop like dying lilies- (aptly, the flower of death) – in a glass vase.

I fell into a dreamless sleep, to which I hoped I would never wake from.

-

I woke much later, to my dislike, with the sheets once again twisted around me.

I peeled the thin blanket off of my pale, sticky skin and fell out of bed. Literally. I made a squeak as the floor made a damaging impact with my face. The weak floor trembled underneath me, and I stood up, clad in azure pajama bottoms.

"I need my money, student!" The irate voice penetrated my walls and shook my entire being with its ferocity. The fist belonging to the entity pounded on my door and repeated the words again.

"I'll get it to you soon!" I retorted loudly, but with a hint of drowsiness to my voice. "Just give me one more week!"

The voice was silent for a few moments before speaking again. "Alright, a week. But you better have it by then or I'll personally castrate you."

I felt my legs grow weak as he threatened to cut off my... _you know_, so it was difficult to change out of my sleeping clothes and into my day clothes.

I straightened my collar, and sighed as I looked in the mirror. The red scar underneath and above my right eye irritated me in the way that it was so obvious and called most of the attention directed at me. As if to add insult to injury, the top half of it was in the shape of a pentagram. On several occasions, I had been told by priests that I was a child of Satan, and that I must be saved. Usually, those meetings ended up in me getting doused in holy water and being jabbed with a cross. Therefore, I tended to stay away from such men of God.

I threw my gray messenger bag over my shoulder and grasped the metal knob on my door. My hand hesitated, as I imagined that my landlord was on the other side of the door. I tentatively opened it and, much to my relief, he was not. I sighed and walked down the drab, lifeless hall of apartments. From the room two doors down from mine, I could hear a couple arguing intelligibly about something. I craved the destruction these apartments produced. Their misery was my own personal drug. The duo's dispute sedated me until I walked outside into the colorful streets of my hometown.

People's fake smiles greeted me. I wanted to shout out at them that they didn't need to wear their masks in place where nobody knew each other. They all cared so much about first impressions, apparently. It irked me greatly, so I rebelled against the upsetting norm; I grimaced. I glued a scowl to my face the whole time I walked to my workplace. Even though I tried to push it out, happiness surrounded me, and I felt more miserable and inferior with each passing grin that attached itself to another face which turned to stare at me, and then continue with the smirking.

Just before I cracked, I reach my destination; work. The only thing that could keep my mind off all the things in my life that had gone wrong was working hard, as odd as it may seem.

The building seemed to say 'hello' to me (Good morning, Allen-kun!) and its doors swung open, happily awaiting my entrance (Or perhaps it was just the exiting customer holding the doors open for me). I walked inside, and was instantly pounced on by my boss, who was, unfortunately, in a very frivolous mood that morning.

"Oh, Allen!" He shrieked. "You're here early! How wonderful! I wasn't expecting you!" Komui Lee exclaimed; shock and giddiness smeared across his face as if it were a piece of toast.

"I'm glad you are so enthusiastic about me being here a few minutes earlier than usual." I deadpanned, walking right past him and grabbing my apron off the hook where the uniforms hung.

Komui persevered, hopping after me like an overly animated puppy dog. "Not just a few minutes! A whole _fifteen_ of them! Isn't that wonderful? Though it doesn't top Lenalee's score!"

"Score…?" I asked, slightly intrigued by my boss's choice of words. I walked into the kitchen and Komui gleefully followed me.

"Yes!" Komui's grin reached his ears, which annoyed me greatly, but I kept myself from making a rude comment. "She showed up a whole hour before her shift started!"

I groaned and replied harshly, "But you and Lenalee live upstairs in the apartment above this café! It's not like she has to walk across town." _Like me_, I thought discontentedly. My hands slipped into the apron's pockets and I shifted around in the garment uncomfortably.

"Complaining, Bean Sprout?" An all-too familiar voice hissed through its fangs at me from across the kitchen. "That's awfully daring of you."

"Yu…" I put on a mask with a smile plastered on it. "What time did you get here?"

Komui's smile faded to an 'o'. "Kanda actually got here a few minutes after his shift started." He hid behind his palms, awaiting a strike from Yu, which was odd, seeing as how Komui was the boss. But that was the only word to describe Komui Lee, owner of the Black Order Café; odd.

My face mimicked Komui's. "Oh, dear, Yu. What could have caused that to happen? But, you know what they say! Better late than never."

Yu Kanda mumbled something underneath his breath before returning to vigorously dividing cake slices. I felt my stomach growl as I stared at the whipped cream adorning the pastry; an unkind reminder to me that I had, once again, forgotten to eat my breakfast. I clenched my fists inside my pocket, and I felt a piece of paper crinkle in my hand. I lifted my palm out of my pocket. A yellow Post-It note feebly stuck to my hand. It read:

_Allen, this is you reminding yourself to order more eggs. There are only a few boxes left._

Of course! How could have I forgotten? Well, at least the me that had written the note foresaw that I would not remember. I silently dashed to the refrigerator to grab the order slip, leaving the sobbing Komui and the cursing Yu Kanda to themselves. I was stopped by a black-haired girl lugging two bags of flour, one in each arm. I instantly grabbed one without thinking, forgetting the order form.

"Hello, Allen. You're here early." Lenalee observed, nodding me a thanks, as her hands were occupied with the bag of flour she held.

"Yeah, everyone seems to be noticing it." I sighed, easily holding the flour with one arm. I follower her into the bread room, where we set down the bags of flour. "But aside that, how are you?" I asked, hoping to hide the lethargy in my previous statement.

"I'm doing fine, but brother seems to be extremely jumpy lately. I think something has been bothering him."

I hadn't noticed anything different about Komui, but being his sister, Lenalee would notice anything off about him in a heart beat. After being separated when they were younger, their reunion made them grow closer than two peas in a pod. I couldn't understand their sibling-love because I was an only child.

"I bet it's nothing big." I knew straight away I was wrong due to the look on Lenalee's face which plainly said '_Something big is going to happen_.'

"Allen," Lenalee murmured shyly, turning her head to the side, perchance to avoid eye contact. "Maybe we should get back to work."

I nodded. "You're absolutely right, Lenalee." I didn't want to bother her anymore; I could tell that she had a lot of things on her mind.

From a separate part of the café I could hear Miranda Lotto and Arystar Krory having a conversation about the espresso and pastry shop across the street. I strained my ears to hear what they were saying.

"Damn it! I heard that Noah's Ark has been getting a lot of customers lately. Maybe we should cut our prices." Arystar's voice was hushed; as if he were hiding.

Miranda's was as well, but she seemed to be more irritated than Arystar about the matter. "No! That would be admitting defeat _and_ losing money that we clearly deserve."

"What is it about their products that attracts so many customers?" Arystar muttered.

"A theme, obviously."

"What? What do you mean?"

"There is a reason they are called Noah's Ark. They have two of every kind of pastry. Like two kinds of cupcakes, and cakes, and so forth."

"But isn't that unfulfilling?!" Arystar said loudly, drawing the attention of several customers.

However, Miranda did not waver. "But many customers find that cute."

"So you're saying…"

"Yes, we need something cute to draw in customers."

At that point, Arystar and Miranda stood up tall and smiled to one another, exchanged a hug, and returned to their duties. I sighed and turned away.

"ALLEN!" Komui shouted from across the building, disrupting the peace of the café. "WE NEED YOUR EXPERTISE!"

I moaned and walked past Lenalee and Kanda in the kitchen to Komui, who was near the front door. He looked extremely worried, and I recalled Lenalee's words earlier. _He does seem jumpy_, I thought to myself, though I could've sworn I had spoken it, because a few customers looked at me with a discomforted expression drawn on their faces. Then again, it could have been my scar.

"I need you to deal with a certain customer." He glanced to a redhead sitting alone in one of the corner booths. I followed his gaze and noticed that the cap of crimson hair belonged to a green-eyed male who was busily typing away on his Macbook. I glared at Komui.

"Why? He seems perfectly normal to me." The customer then turned his head and I noticed the black eye patch hiding his right eye. "Well, except for his pirate-y quality. Maybe he's stopping by for a snack before seeing an arr-rated movie." Upon seeing Komui's concerned look, I added; "I was joking, sorry."

"But I need this customer. It will help our business! You know how Noah's Ark has been stealing most of our customers, so we need to pay special attention to first-timers." Komui explained quietly, tapping his fingers on his coffee mug,

"Why don't I go help a different first-timer? It's not like he's the only one here who is new. I'll go help that nice lady over there." I glanced over at a woman with caramel brown hair who was tending to her young child. "She looks as if she could use some help."

Komui's eyebrows knitted together. "No! I'll get Kanda to do it. That's why I hired him, anyways."

"You hired Kanda because of his ability to deal with people?" When I thought of Kanda 'dealing' with people, it involved his sword and lots of blood.

"Yes!" Komui replied impatiently. "Now, go tend to that customer or- or- or you're fired!"

I jumped at least a foot into the air because Komui didn't seem to be joking, so I materialized beside the redhead's side. I glanced at Komui; he was walking into the kitchen with a harsh "CORNER!" I could hear Lenalee jump to the side and Kanda slice the fruit faster.

"Is there anything I can get for you, sir?" I asked in my most polite voice.

The redhead kept typing silently for a few moments before answering my question. "Uh, wait a minute…" He lightly bit his tongue while he furiously typed. I could barely keep up with his speedy fingers darting across the keyboard. Then he stopped and looked up at me with his bright green eye and pitch black eye patch. "I'll have an organic Fair Trade, locally roasted, iced soy hazelnut latte, easy on the soymilk, and a clover honey and thinly sliced almond croissant with a cup of fruit, preferably oranges, peaches, and apples, please." Much to my surprise, he was able to say it all in one breath while smirking like an angel the entire time.

_What the bloody hell?_ My eye twitched uncontrollably as I attempted to scrawl his order down on a small notepad. I had barely written down what he wanted for his coffee before he spoke again.

"Did you need me to repeat that?" He said, smiling at me like he wasn't being a complete coffee snob. I really wanted to slap him, but I had a miniature Komui in the back of my head threatening me to ask him if that was all.

"Will that be all, s-sir?" I grinded my teeth and pressed my tongue against the roof of my mouth in an attempt to not to cuss out the male who beamed so ignorantly at me like I was his servant.

"Yes, may I speak with your manager? I have something to say about the staff."

I swallowed something that felt like a ball of lead. Had I sneered too much at him already? Was Komui going to fire me without giving me my paycheck? Would I go to my apartment, jobless, and have my landlord, Cross Marian, geld me with his bare hands? My bravado instantly faded.

"Uh, yes. I will go get him- er, my manager, and get your order… immediately… MASTER, I MEAN SIR!" My tongue suddenly felt heavy as I walked (extremely fast, mind you) to Komui's side.

"Well, well. What is it, Allen?" He asked, smoothing back his black hair and fixing his beret. "What is wrong?"

_Does he already know?_ I wondered nervously inside my head. _Am I too obvious?_ "The customer would like to speak with you." My legs turned to spaghetti, and I nearly fell onto my boss, but his laugh awakened me.

"I was curious as to when he would ask that, but I didn't think it would be so soon in the game."

"W-what? You knew this would happen?" I asked, but Komui had already walked over to the customer's side with a cheerful air about him.

I walked into the kitchen, dazed, and approached Kanda, whose face twisted into a tighter scowl with every step I took toward him. "What do you want, Bean Sprout?" He snarled.

"Uh," I glanced at the notepad, but the writing was so cramped that I could not read it. "The Sir wants some coffee, a croissant, and a bowl of fruit… stuff."

Kanda's scowl faded, and was replaced with a mocking look. "Seems you're blanking."

"… … Sure, why not." I replied, falling against the wall. The colors of the room all seemed to swirl into one as I pictured my landlord mutilating me as I screamed bloody murder.

"Wait, Allen! You have to say something mean back to me! I need my rival back!" Kanda shouted, slapping my face. However, nothing soothed me when I noticed Komui grabbing my notepad and reading aloud what the customer had really ordered.

After my boss had corrected the order and Kanda had begun to busily prepare the coffee and arrange the fruit and croissant, I stood up and faced my higher-up with a glazed look on my face.

"Allen, I need to speak with you soon, but for now, I would appreciate it if you took the customer's order to him." Komui said sternly, handing me the aforementioned order and placing it in my spread palms.

"But, uh, ah… I want to… Erm. Aaagh." I muttered incoherently before stumbling over to the redhead and handing him his drink and food.

I lingered as the male took a sip of his coffee (pinky up!) and set it down next to his fruit and croissant, all while dynamically typing away on his laptop.

After he had finished eating and resumed keying with both hands, I grabbed his plate and cup and took them to the dish pit, where Arystar was busily cleaning a large bowl.

"Looks like someone doesn't like apple or oranges." He remarked before returning to the mound of bubbles that was forming around his wrists. I looked down at the bowl, and noticed that all the oranges and apples hadn't even been touched, let alone eaten.

"That bastard." I grunted, forcefully slamming the dishes into the rack and startling Arystar. "I'm going to snipe that bloody bastard." My words were slurred, and I could barely understand what I was saying. I was starting to feel destructive, so I grabbed the coffee mug that the redhead and used and smashed it to the ground while also spewing a stream of curse words from my mouth. Arystar stared at me; mouth dropped as if a brick was attached to it and letting the dish water spill onto the ground, rinsing the floor with its soapiness. I saw heads peek into the kitchen, but I continued to dirty my mouth and children's ears.

Eventually, I began to shout the obscenities, but by then Komui was running toward with me with a frying pan in hand. It took a moment before I realized his notions, and then I ran for it, dashing for the outside, where I could easily climb the maple tree, away from the dangerous frying pan titled 'Komlin'.

However, as my sweaty fingers wrapped around the handle, a hard metal surface came down on the part of skull that protected the occipital lobe, knocking me unconscious.

-

"Brother, I think you may have given him a concussion. He might sue you…" Lenalee's voice drifted into my ears. Suing Komui sounded like a good idea at the moment, and I would probably get enough money for the month's rent. But I quickly realized that Lenalee would be affected by the loss of money, and the idea died like a mayfly.

"I would sue! Hell, I would slash you with a kitchen knife!" Kanda growled like a bear fresh out of hibernation. The idea of Kanda with bear ears and a bear tail made me smile a bit.

Komui chuckled as he noticed my grin. "I'm afraid Allen is unharmed. See? He's waking up."

I took that as an invitation to open my eyes. I rubbed the back of my head, where Komlin, the famed frying pan, had struck me, but I felt not even the slightest of discomfort there. I sat up and looked at my coworkers with a blank gaze.

"Aren't I fired?" I asked shyly. "I did do a lot of bad things."

Komui Lee, being the man he is, shook his head and laughed. "No, you still work at the Black Order Café, but! BUT! You do owe me money for breaking that coffee mug."

I beamed, my cherubic cheeks turning pinker with each passing moment. Even paying for the coffee mug didn't seem like such a bad thing (At least until I would arrive home, and my landlord would threaten me.)

"So what about the customer? Was he a friend who you asked to be über bitchy so you could put me to the test?"

The room grew silent, and Lenalee frowned at her brother, who threw a worried glimpse at me.

"Well, not really. Let's say I'm a fan of him, and he really is, as you put, 'über bitchy', but he _will_ attract customers… At some point, if you do as you are told." Komui explained.

I groaned. So the redhead really wasn't pretending to be high maintenance.

Miranda looked at Komui, and he nodded to her. "Well, um, Allen, I know you overheard Krory and me talking earlier."

"Uh… Uh-huh." I confirmed her statement.

"Well, as you know, we were talking about how we could do something to attract more customers… and, well, we came up with a great idea."

"Well, spit it out."

"Don't kill me if you don't like it…"

"Just tell me. I won't kill you. At least I won't, but I can't guarantee Kanda will tolerate it…" I grinned at the long-haired chef.

He narrowed his eyes at me and copied my smile. "Oh, Bean Sprout, I've already heard it. And _I_ can guarantee _you_ won't be able to tolerate it.

"Well, cross-dressing."

"… …"

"… …"

"I CAN'T TOLERATE SUCH A DISGUSTING THING!" I shrieked, grabbing Komui's shoulders. "Will I be the only one?

Komui nodded, and I felt my stomach melt and my brain freeze. "Yes, because you're the only waiter who is a boy and Kanda doesn't need to a dress to look like a woman…"

"Oi! Komui!" Kanda's eyes lit up with flames. I could tell he was going to say something worse. "And guess what exactly you'll be wearing, Bean Sprout?"

I gulped. "… What?"

"You're going to be a French maid for, possibly, the rest of your career here."

Even words couldn't describe my horror. And on top of that, Komui had to add the cherry to the banana split.

"The customer did have something very helpful to say to me. And I think I might have to tell it to you, Allen." He said austerely. He leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"The customer said, and I quote: _Your waiter is adorable when he gets pissed off_."

To make it all worse, I forgot to order the eggs.

((Well, that's it. Please mind that the beginning of this chapter was very angsty, and that the next few chapters will be light. However, angst shall surely return. Please review... Flames will deterr me, so please use constructive crticism if you must. I know the characters are slightly OOC.))


	2. When Rabbits are red

((Here's the second chapter. Hmm... Considerably shorter, if I must say so. But it has lots of perverse funny. But please do keep in mind that I have two more chapters in reserve, so I can update whenever I want to. If you review a lot, then maybe you'll get them faster...

I don't own.))

**Confessions of a Cheshire Cat**

**two. When Rabbits are red, Bean Sprouts turn pink**

I instantly regretted the moment I walked into the Black Order Café on that fateful Wednesday (which is scientifically proven to be the least enjoyable day of the week, save Monday).

"ALLEN!" All my coworkers, except for Kanda, who was already muttering so early in the day, gleefully pounced on me, shoving a napkin in my mouth and dragging me into the kitchen. Yu Kanda followed from behind, still grumbling, and closed the door behind him (more like slammed).

I felt my pants slide off my legs, and my face turned a million different shades of pink. I would've shouted at them, but the cloth surrounding my tongue kept me from doing so. Fortunately, I was clothed once again. Unfortunately, I was wearing a maid's outfit.

_Very_ unfortunate, indeed.

-

For the eighteenth time is as many minutes, I felt someone pinch my rear end. "Eeek!" I screamed girlishly. I looked behind me, and I noticed a drooling teenage boy and his laughing friends (Come on! I'm a man, right?). I then turned my attention to my boss, who congratulated (?) me with a thumbs-up. After I glared at him for several moments, he gave me the 'signal'.

With great (GREAT) hesitation, I turned to the boy and chuckled in a feminine tone. "Oh, master. You can only do that if you buy something to eat!" They each instantly ordered something.

I ran into the kitchen, threatening the laughing Yu and shoving all the orders into Miranda's arms. "This is what the masters would like to eat." I grumbled before walking up to Komui.

"Ugh, don't you think this is going a little far?" I inquired quietly, but harshly, ignoring the crowd of (Oh no!) boys who walked into the café and squeezed into a booth, their eyes glued to my backside which was adorned with frills and bows (arigato, Komui…)

"Far? Not even close! You need to be more compliant." Komui 'advised', sipping his coffee nonchalantly. He flapped his hand as if telling me to go tend to the hormonal teens.

"I'm saying," I narrowed my eyes. "That sexual harassment is not fun!"

Komui's mouth turned morphed into a circle. "Really? Then maybe you should start saying 'pyon' at the end of your sentences.

"Are you listening to anything I am saying?!" I exclaimed, but Komui shooed me off imperturbably before walking off to talk to his sister. I sighed and then sauntered over to the new batch of boys.

"Oh, Masters! What may I get you… pyon?" I winked at them flirtatiously. Several of them blushed, and I could've sworn one of them came in his pants. At least, that's what it smelled like.

"Uh, uh…" They all chorused, their noses running with blood.

"Shall I get the masters some napkins… pyon?" I grinned outwardly, but on the inside, I was screaming in terror. Before they could answer, I dashed toward the entrance, where Komui had placed the napkins. I grasped at the chance to linger and be away from the horny boys that infested the Black Order Café.

Regrettably, I did not consider the fact that people might notice me from the large windows at the front of the store.

Like certain customers.

Who are very fastidious about coffee.

And don't like apples or oranges.

I froze as soon as the redhead entered the building. My entire being shook with the fear of his... perverted-ness. How else could you describe it? I could tell he was throwing intrigued looks in my direction, so I walked away from his line of sight for one moment and gave the teenagers their napkins.

I then proceeded toward the red rabbit occupying booth seven.

"Well, hello, Master! What does the master want to eat today… pyon?" I had the urge to rub my eyes, but I didn't want to ruin the make-up that hid my scar and my true identity, thus invoking the wrath of Komui and… Komlin. I shuddered inwardly.

It took me a moment to notice that the redhead was babbling incoherently, as the other customers had done. I wanted to burst into laughter, but I bit my tongue to keep from doing so. I truly hadn't realized that I had so much power with just a bunch of frills and ribbons.

"Shall I sit with Master… pyon?" Before he could sputter out an answer, I slid into the seat across from him. I grabbed the menu from his hands and murmured into my white-gloved fist. "I would suggest the apple tea, pyon. It's quite good. Ah, but you like coffee more, I presume?"

"Uh, I, um, sure. Apple tea sounds good." He smoothed back his crimson hair, but it flopped back over his forehead. In reality, the apple tea was not the best, but it was the most expensive of all the teas we currently had.

"Ahaha! Master is so silly. Shall I go get your tea now, pyon?" I stood up, leaning against the side of the booth. "Or does Master want me to stay, pyon?" I attempted to blush behind my giant, rose-pink sleeves, but I think it ended up looking like I was about to puke. (Which I was.)

"Whatever you want… Sure." The redhead wiped his nose, and all of a sudden, he wasn't one of the perverted boys that pinched my ass, but he was a responsible, young man who seemed extremely depressed.

But of course, in the next second, he was gaping at me like a retard.

"I'll be right back, then, Master." I ran to the kitchen, where Yu hit the back of my head with a wooden spoon. My reflexes acted before I thought about the consequences, and they made me latch onto the wooden spoon, take it, and hurl it at Kanda's face.

SMACK.

I looked at the pair of dark eyes that burned holes into my retinas with their intensity. A red spot started to puff up on his right cheek, and I felt my stomach do a few cartwheels before attempting to escape through my mouth. I could've sworn I saw a few veins bulge, but it must've been my imagination.

"Who do you think you are, Haine Otomiya?" He asked viciously, clenching his hands with his arms crossed over each other.

Lenalee walked into the room, smiling giddily and hopping over to Kanda's side. "No! Allen is definitely Maora-chan!"

Kanda's eyes grew wide, and he stared at Lenalee with utter shock written across his face (something delightfully rare). "But it's Maora-kun! Didn't you know? Maora's real name is Yoshitaki!"

"Eah! That's impossible! Maora-ch- er, -kun was so feminine!"

I had no idea what they were talking about, but I gladly accepted the chance to escape from Kanda's wrath. I grabbed a tea bag and put it into a mug. I then poured boiling water into the cup and put it onto a tray that looked like a French doily. With apprehension, I ran to the redheaded customer's side and gave him the tea.

"Hey, in those few moments you were gone, I was thinking." He started, looking away awkwardly.

_Oh no_, I thought. _Did I lay it on too thick?_

"Doesn't it get annoying having to call me 'Master'?" He looked at me with that black eye patch and that brilliant, emerald eye. I felt my face heat up like the customer's apple tea.

"That's so… kind of you." I mumbled. "Most of the people here _love_ it when I call them 'Master'…" I admitted, covering my rose-tinted cheeks.

"Well, DUR."

"E-excuse me?" I felt my heart drop. Was he just trying to be kind… or?

"It is. It's really, pardon my language, _fucking_ hot. When I first heard you, I mean, I got _very _hot and bothered. It's that sexy. But if it doesn't make you happy, then that makes me feel bad." He seemed extremely earnest.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"That was extremely maudlin… In a creepy, perverted kind-of-way."

"I tend to have that affect on people." He said, stroking the edge of the tea. "Well, while I'm waiting for my tea to brew, why don't we talk?"

I hesitated for a moment, but after looking at his puppy-dog eyes and feeling all weird and tingly, I gave in. "Well, um… how should I start? I am not much of a talker…"

"With your name… maybe?"

"It's All-" I quickly realized that I had not thought of my alias's name. _Shit!_ My mouth opened and closed several times. "Alice. Uh, Alice… yeah."

"Hmm. You don't look like an Alice, but whatever. I'm… … Lavi. Some of my friends call me Bookman."

"Hnh? And why would that be?" I asked, slightly intrigued.

Lavi smiled and then proceeded to chuckle. "I think you'll find out soon enough. "But, so… What school do you go to?"

"Oh, about that. I can't afford college at the moment, but I'm saving up. I might start late, unfortunately. Since my dad died, I've been living at this apartment complex with the Devil for a landlord. But once I can go to a college, I really want to go to a good one. It's not like I have a bad grade point average… It's just… I don't have enough money to continue my education. But Komui, er, the boss, says he'll make me a chef if I continue the training he's giving me. Then maybe then I will have a better paycheck…" I looked down sentimentally and smiled a bit. "And then I can go to school again."

I turned my attention to Lavi who was… was… crying?

"Oh, Alice. You're such a good person… Thinking about"- A sniff- "what's best! It really inspires me."

"Well, um, what college do you go to…?" I asked quietly, feeling all the attention in the room shift to Lavi and me.

"Me?" He asked with a sudden change in attitude. "I actually don't go to college."

"What?" I glared at him and all his Mac-glory-ness. "You have to be able to afford it!"

"Me? Of course! I'm not some shit-for-brains hobo." He seemed insulted. "I am just _too_ smart for college."

I cough-laughed into my fist. Was this guy for real? "That's wonderful." I smiled truly. "Um, I think your tea is ready now."

"Oh, you're probably right." He picked up the cup, and downed it all in one gulp. I stared in awe at his ability to drink the entire mug, but I shook it off as he handed me my tip.

"Hey, it was really nice to talk with you." The redheaded snob beamed at me, and I felt a tad irked at him. Had he bought that tea just to talk to me? He really was a perverted ass after all. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Had I turned him into a regular?

He walked through the door, leaving me with more questions than answers. I stared down at the twenty-dollar bill. _He really doesn't care about money_… I thought, but something else grabbed my attention.

A note, and it had some figures scrawled onto its surface.

_218.3091 It's my cell phone, by the way. Call me._

_-Lavi "Bookman"_

_P.S._

_I've tasted better apple tea._

I resisted the urge to crumple up the paper and shoved it into my pocket. I looked around me; at the room of pompous retards who continued to stare at my ass. I recalled that one moment when the customer- no, Lavi, had gone all soft on me…

And I blushed like a schoolgirl.

"DAMN IT, BOOKMAN!"

((Hmm... That's all done. By the way, Kanda and Lenalee are referring to Haine Otomiya, who is a delinquent, form Gentleman's Alliance Cross. And please don't call Lavi's number because I made it up. So don't call and expect the wonderful redhead to pick up. Please review.))


	3. Kenichi Suzumura Calls

((This one is more of a filler. But the next chapter should be exciting.

And also, someone commented (I'm fail at remembering names) on how Allen seemed angrier than in the manga. I'm trying to picture how he would react to being forced to cross-dress or either have his dick chopped off... You know? And in my mind, he seemed kind of... pissed off. And plus, all these characters seem to have not hit puberty yet (Allen is very sweet for a teenage boy,) in the manga, so I am just adding in hormones to make is more... how do you say...? Realistic and problematic. And I know this isn't quite true-to-the-story, but it's a tad more true-to-life.

Haha. And as for Lavi, well, he gets pretty annoying. around the fifth or sixth chapter. But sometimes I just have to imagine how these characters would be in the real world, seeing as how even though Lavi is annoying, he can also be contemplative and mellow. Anyone ever catch those moments? I just wanted to have them evolve into the characters they are in the manga once I get this story going.

And as for Kanda, well, it's the same thing with Lavi. Allen hasn't really given him a reason to dislike him yet, even though he calls him his rival, and that will most likely appear near the end of the series. Then there will be a sequel. Yes... I have a lot planned out.

I don't own.))

**Confessions of a Cheshire Cat**

**three. ****Kenichi Suzumura Calls**

The morning was colder that it usually was, but that was just how predictable the temperature was where I lived. In a way, the weather in my town reminded me a bit of Komui Lee in its ability to be the complete opposite of what you expect. For example, when the weatherman told me that it was going to be in the eighties and sunny, it turned out to be in the forties and pouring rain. Or perhaps the weatherman screwed up the dates?

A million perfect raindrops raced down my window, and I absentmindedly traced their watery paths with my left index finger. To any bystander, I might have appeared to be a bored kindergartner, save my white hair, which otherwise signified that I was an old man.

It was Friday; my day off. I absentmindedly glanced at the worn scrap of paper on my nightstand. It was Lavi's number, but I hadn't had the time to call him. I could've called him at that moment, but something kept me from going to look at the handwriting on the piece of parchment.

Ironically, the phone rang.

I jumped up a foot into the air, released from the trance-like sate I had previously been in. I dashed to the phone, and without checking the Caller ID, I picked it up and held it to my ear.

"Hello?" My voice was wary.

"Hey, it's me." The voice definitely sounded familiar, but I couldn't place my finger on it.

"… …" I was silent for a moment before I recognized the voice. "Uh, I'm sorry to seem ridiculous, but is this Kenichi Suzumura?"

"If that's what makes you happy." The voice laughed from the other line. "_Anything_, if it makes you happy." The voice purred, chuckling as if it found my deduction funny.

"Wait, why would Kenichi Suzumura call me?" I wondered aloud, regrettably.

"Hell, I was wondering the same thing."

"Wait! This is Lavi, isn't it?" I inquired heatedly. "Why were you pretending to be Kenichi Suzumura?"

"I wasn't!" God, I could practically hear his red hair. "You're the one who pointed out I sound like him in the first place. Why the hell do you know how he sounds anyways?"

"Well, for your information, I like Soul Eater." I replied, hissing through my front teeth.

"Well, it's nothing compared to Trinity Blood." Lavi huffed.

"No. No, you did not just diss Soul Eater. That's inhuman."

"It is completely human, because Trinity Blood is the shiz'. C'mon, don't you agree?"

"Well, it is really good, but I think Soul Eater is better."

"… Suit yourself."

"Well, anyways, why did you call me?" I asked, my finger slowly entwining itself into the phone cord. It was an admittedly girly vice of mine.

"Oh, that! I was wondering if you were, uh, interested in going out with me. Like, to hang out."

I concealed the urge to chuckle into the worn out phone. "Wasn't I supposed to call you?"

"Well, I was trying to seem all nonchalant about it, but it seemed like you had forgotten, or I had made it look like I wasn't interested. So I just decided to get it over with." Lavi explained.

I felt insulted. "Are you implying this is a chore for you?!"

"No! No, that's not what I meant. I am really just an impatient person."

"I caught that."

He laughed from the other line. "Don't be a jerk about it. So, anyways, what do you think?"

"I think I'll call you tomorrow." I hung up and rubbed my temples. Things were getting confusing; and so early in the day!

I hadn't meant to make any guys _actually_ get a crush on me. I was simply doing what Komui had told me to. And plus, I too, was a guy! It's not like I enjoyed cross-dressing, well, not too much.

-

After waiting for what felt like several minutes (it really was an hour), I decided to call Komui to see what I should do. Normally, I would avoid the man's advice like the plague, so why I was asking for it, I wasn't really sure. But what I was sure of was that I needed to do something about Lavi.

The phone rang several times before someone picked it up. "Hello, this is Komui Lee speaking." The voice declared perkily.

I groaned, and then responded. "We have a problem, Houston."

"Oh! Allen? It's you! Wait… a problem? What is it?" Though his words seemed a tad more serious than before, his giddy personality was still just as syrupy sweet.

I coughed into my gloved fist. "It appears that I have… enamored… one of the customers."

"Oh, dear." Was his only reply.

"So, what should I do?" I asked solemnly.

"Which customer was it? Do they have a name?" Komui queried.

"His name is Lavi, the pirate one."

"Oh, him! You should be fine, then." And then, he muttered something under his breath. "_I was pretty sure he wasn't a woman-chaser_…"

"What do you mean?! He's already asked me out on a date! I'm in a bloody predicament!"

"Hmm, it must be grave for you to revert to British slang." Komui deducted with the famed idiot-logic. I glared at him through the phone.

"Yes, so what should I really do?" I really hoped I wouldn't have to repeat that question to Komui Lee until the next century.

"I suggest calling Lenalee."

I erupted into a coughing fit. "L-Lenalee? I can't drag her into this!"

"Well, I'm going to make you go on that date. This will probably secure this customer's return. But you can't go in you, ahem, masculine state, so I'm making you call Lenalee so she can lend you some dresses."

"WHAT?!" I really wanted to punch Lavi _and_ Komui at that moment, but I settled for mutilating my pillow with my knuckles.

"I am going to hang up now." Komui stated before doing so.

I gritted my teeth and dialed Lenalee's cell phone number.

She picked it up immediately. "Yes, hello? Oh, um, this is Lenalee."

"Hey, it's Allen." I muttered irritably.

"Oh, Allen! Uh, what is it?" Her tone seemed to change.

"I need to borrow some of your dresses." I mumbled.

"Oh, yeah, Komui just texted me about that. No need to explain. But I have to say that we may need to go shopping, because our, ahem_, bust sizes_ vary greatly. And have you ever seen me in a dress?"

"Come to think of it; no." I realized.

"_Exactly._" She sighed, and I could hear the cord twisting from the other line.

"So, I guess we are going to go shopping. But when?" I posed cagily.

"I was thinking tomorrow, actually."

I slapped my face when something compelled me to say "That's fine."

((I'm sorry that that chapter was so... uneventful. The next one will be highly entertaining.

Kenichi Suzumura is the Japanese voice actor for Lavi in the anime. Thought it would be funny to have Allen mistake Lavi for him. Also, he voices some characters in the other animes mentioned, although I think that they're only minor characters because I haven't really gotten that far into those series. Hehe. I got all of that information from on Kenichi suzumura's page.

On a side note, I AM SO NERVOUS AND I AM FREAKING OUT. Eighth grade is approaching and I'm worried that my friends and I won't have the same classes. Yeah, I know how I can always make new friends, but there are, like, NADA otaku in my school besides my friends who are relatively new to the whole fandom. (I've decided to wait to tell them about yaoi. Hehe.) BUT ANYWAYS, I am so freaking nervous because practically the entire eighth grade is going to be all like "Whut?" when I say Lavi or Allen or Kanda. It's terrifying. except for this one guy named Miro who was my buddy BUT HE MOVED TO CHINA. Waah. Miro, come back. I NEED TO TALK ABOUT L WITH YOU. -Cries- Anyways, some words of encouragement would be nice.

Uwah... Please comment.))


	4. Living like a Duck

((This chapter is very fun. It was a pain to write, but I enjoyed it.))

**Confessions of a Cheshire Cat**

**four. Living like a Duck**

I was really regretting this. I mean, I was _really_ regretting this. But something was keeping me from running at supersonic speed back to my bike, and pedaling the hell out of Lenalee's sight. Perhaps it was the fact that Lenalee was the fastest runner I had ever known. Or maybe it was the fact that I was weighed down by the large amount of money in my wallet (which was supposed to go toward rent but something had made me bring it to use on shopping… for girl's clothes).

"Hey, Allen! You excited?" Lenalee shouted as she approached me.

I slumped over. "I'm already hating it. Let's just get this over with."

"Don't be such a party-pooper. God, Al. Trust me! You'll enjoy this." She winked at me.

The worst part was that I knew she was going to be right.

-

Walking was actually the worst part of the shopping escapade, but even that wasn't so bad. And I had to admit it was extremely nice out. But I totally forgot about the weather when I noticed how big Branch Mall was. I mean, it was _giant_. I had never seen anything so big that was for the sole purpose of… shopping. It actually made my stomach turn a bit.

"Here we are. First thing! We need to give you breasts."

My head whipped toward Lenalee so fast that I think I broke my spine at first. "What exactly… do you mean?"

"Well, the frills on the uniform are expertly placed to hide your flat-as-a-board chest. I bet your Lavi is expecting a little something to be hiding under there." She smiled a girl's grin. "So I am going to introduce to you the wonders of the _water bra_."

_Oh. My. God._

"No way. You are not going to let me wear one of those." I said, waving my hands in front of me.

"You're right. I'll _make_ you." She laughed devilishly. "Because some girls are just as flat as you—"

"I'm a man! I'm perfectly built!" I interrupted.

"—we're going to have to get the smallest size possible." She instantly grabbed my hand and, much to my dismay, led me to Victoria's Secret.

The inside was just as I expected; _full of underwear_. Since I was straight (not gay!) this was quite… simulating, but I tried not to let my nose bleed. Lenalee instantly led me to the selection of water bras. I lurched forward as I felt blood rush to my nasal area, but I succeeded in keeping it inside my body.

"Victoria's Secret makes really good bras, so you can expect comfort." She remarked, holding one up and glancing around before she held it up to my chest. I took a leap backwards.

"What's wrong with you?" I exclaimed vociferously, calling the attention of the cashier, who seemed to be as frightened as me. Lowering my voice by at least twenty decibels, I added; "This isn't natural! Please don't make me do this! I'm begging you!"

"Hmm, maybe we shouldn't make your boobs too big, then Lavi will start to get suspicious." Lenalee murmured, ignoring me completely. I responded with a loud sigh and a slouch. "Mm! This one is good. It's very real-looking."

I mentally slapped my forehead. "Please, Lenalee."

"You're right, Allen. This one is a little small." She replied, setting it back and picking up a different one.

I gritted my teeth, and grabbed her right shoulder. "Let's get out of here." I ordered, but she shrugged my hand off and grabbed my wrist. Her grip was strong, and I was unable to break it as she pulled me toward a dressing room, where she pulled me in by my ear.

"YOW." I said, rubbing my now rosy earlobe. "You didn't have to be so rough."

"Like you said, you're a man." She growled. "Suck it up and put this one on." She thrust a bra in my direction, and I shyly took it into my hands.

"You know, that entire sentence contradicted itself— OUCH, okay I'll try it on." I huffed, ignoring the new-found pain in my stomach that Lenalee had caused with her fist.

I unbuttoned my shirt when Lenalee was looking away, and then slipped it off warily. With a bit of work and nose-bleeding, I successfully slipped on the bra correctly; without twisted straps. However, I could not latch on the snap in the back. I struggled, my hands grasping at my shoulder blades. After a few minutes of sad, failed attempts to secure the back of the odd garment, I was able to connect it and actually… it felt comfortable.

Lenalee turned around and burst into laughter. "Oh, Allen, you look so… feminine." She giggled between parted fingers. "Put your shirt on so we can see how it looks."

I quickly buttoned up my white shirt and straightened its collar. I looked in the mirror curiously, and nearly died. There I stood, and I truly did look like a girl; a terrifying image that forever burned itself into my mind.

I felt Lenalee's warm hand rest on my shoulder. "I'm pretty sure your boyfriend will love the new you."

I shook my head and snorted. "What are you talking about? He's not my boyfriend. He's not dating Allen. He's dating Alice."

"You're such a drag queen, naming your girl version…" She shook her head, and then told me to remove the bra. I did so, and I did not look forward to the next time I would have to put one on again.

We exited the dressing room, and it suddenly dawned upon me that it was strange to see a girl and a boy around the same age walk into a dressing room at a Victoria's Secret. I gulped as I noticed a short, orange-haired girl walk up to us with a very pissed-off look plastered over her features.

"Hey, cool it, kids." She warned us, shaking a fist at us. "Make sure you're behaving in those dressing rooms."

Lenalee was silent, so I took that as my chance to speak up and be manly (as if I didn't have enough chances.) "Um... What do you mean?" Unfortunately, nothing manly came to mind.

I felt something hard crunch against my right cheekbone, and I fell into Lenalee. In a few moments, the previously short girl was towering over me as I lay on the ground. "I know you're thinking about how short I am." (Although I wasn't,) "I'll have you know that I am much older than you think I am." She growled, grabbing me by my collar and pulling me up to her height. "I should have you kicked out of here for illicit behavior _twice_ in a row. BAK, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE."

I silently asked myself if she was calling for a hen, but it was soon apparent that she was not. A flustered-looking man ran over to us, his strange hat bobbing up and down. "W-what is it, Fo? Have these people been misbehaving in my store?"

I had to bite my tongue to keep form laughing obnoxiously. A man owned a Victoria's Secret? But then again, I had no room to talk; seeing as how I was a man and I was shopping at one. I chewed on my cheek impatiently. "No, seriously, we had good reason to go in the same dressing room."

(The man who I presumed was) Bak's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Sorry, I get hives when I- when I…"

The orange-haired girl named Fo slapped the store owner across the face. "Toughen up!" The sentence sounded familiar. "Now, little boy, what's your explanation?"

Before I could speak, Lenalee smiled and answered politely. "You see, this is Allen, and he's a cross-dresser. He's got a date with someone who prefers him in his more feminine state, so we're looking for bras to give him more womanly qualities."

It was bad that it was all true, but the worst part was that Fo and Bak understood.

"I get it." Fo murmured, releasing me. "You're going through hard times. I'll let you go."

I blushed a million shades of red.

-

Lenalee stopped me by tugging on my sleeve as we passes a bookstore. "Hey!" She exclaimed. "I've been looking for a store that sold this book under thirty bucks. Yay!" She jumped up and down excitedly, and I secretly wondered to myself whether or not I would have to act like this on the date. I gulped, and tried not to think of all the things that could go wrong during it.

Wanting to think about something else, I encouraged Lenalee to enter the bookstore. I followed her willingly. "Why so happy, Lenalee? It looks like any other book to me." I examined the cover, tapping it a few times to see if it was good material.

She snatched it away form me with a scorned look upon her usually angelic face. "Don't judge a book by its cover, Allen. This is a really good book. Well, it should be, because I haven't read it."

I sighed in exasperation. "What could you possibly mean, Lenalee? You don't even know what the book is like? And you're already saying it's amazing?"

"Well, the author is really good. He has a different pen name for every book he writes, but it's so obvious when he's written a book because of his style. It's _superb_."

"Hmm, really?" I doubted it. A girl's definition of a good book today was basically a soap-opera on paper with a bunch of misogynistic undertones lacing the pages. I picked up a separate copy and read the first page.

The words were... amazing. The author used them in such a context that it made it seem as if there were several meanings to every words. And the way he described a simple object was, as Lenalee had said, superb. I was hooked, and I was only on the first page.

I snapped back to reality, however, when the cashier told me to "put the book down, or buy it." I chose the former. Lenalee, however, chose the latter.

The book was fifteen dollars here. Something that still seemed atrocious for a bunch of paper, but I digressed once I realized that other stores would be selling it for one hundred plus. If this author really had as many fangirls as I though, then maybe I should consider becoming a book store owner. I would definitely be able to pay my rent.

Lenalee eagerly skipped out of the book store. "Oh, Allen, you don't know how happy I am! I just love this author."

"Why don't you go to a book signing or something?" I suggested.

She grinned. "Oh, I love this part. Because nobody has ever seen the author and known it was him. Isn't that so mysterious?" She clasped her palms together over her heart.

I nearly heaved. "I don't know. It sounds like he's a masochistic bastard who enjoys torturing his fans."

"Hmm..." Lenalee ignored my statment and I groaned. "I wonder what he used as his pen name this time..."

I glanced over at the book's cover. "Deek? That's weird name to use."

_To be continued..._

((I'm sorry if Allen is OOC in this, but it's hard making an uptight Brit into a drag queen. Lenalee is also clearly OOC in this chapter. I'm also sorry if Victoria's Secret does not sell underwear. I've never been there. I'm also ALSO sorry that if someone were to have no breasts, they wouldn't wear a bra, but please humor me.

More sorries. -Sweatdrop- I had to cut it off here because I found this an apt ending for the chapter. Now you all have an idea of who the author is.

Please review.))


	5. Daffodil

((I'm not even going to make excuses for my absence. Sorry. But I decided that these chapters could be longer…))

five. Daffodil

Lenalee ended up taking me to Charlotte Rousse to buy some dresses and such. They were pretty and all, but I just didn't feel right hanging them up in my closet. God forbid anybody find out about this hobby (though hobbies usually aren't enforced by bosses.) I've never been a hardcore religious type of person but lately I'd been praying in my head for Komui's obsession with humiliating me to stop or for me to just get used to skirts. I was starting to think that the latter was more possible.

So after shoving female garb into my closet, I sat in my miniscule kitchen, staring at my cell phone. It looked to be taunting me. So I grabbed it and dialed seven fateful numbers.

Lavi picked up almost instantly.

"You called." It wasn't shock in his voice, but something more like satisfaction.

"Yeah, actually. About our date?" I bit my cheek for a second. "How about… tomorrow? I'm going to get some time off work."

"Oh, really? I'm busy… Wait…" It sounded like a palm was pressed over the mouth piece on the other line, but I could still make out bits and pieces of the conversation going on.

One of the voices was Lavi. "…Playing around… this…" An unhappy groan. "… Over it… Christ…"

The other sounded unfamiliar. "I… for this… happen! You… your women… deadlines…"

"Deadlines! That's… you care about? What… love life? I… one too!"

There was some shuffling and Lavi's voice was once again clear, or as clear as it could be through the phone. "Y'ello. What was it you were saying?"

This ticked me off a bit. I knew he remembered, but I played along. "Tomorrow… Date? That okay with you?"

"Isn't that a mannish way to put things?"

I swallowed hard. "Er…"

"I'm just teasing. Tomorrow? Good. How about 3:00 at Hevlaska Park?"

"I can do that."

"Cool… Oh, and, by the way… Could I ask a favor of you?"

"Shoot."

"I think I'm going to wear green for our date. Can you do that too? Something like a pastel… green tea equivalent… Yeah. Cool."

He hung up before I could say anything else. Matching clothes? Wasn't it a little early in their relationship (which had basically just been established) for matching clothes?

I decided to put it out of mind and get a good night's sleep. However, I accomplished neither.

The alarm clock stared, wordlessly at me. It did not laugh. It did not speak. I appreciated that. I desperately wanted to find a person like that. I doubted I would.

Something else struck me about the alarm clock… It read…

1:00.

I had slept in later than expected, so, like a ninja, I jumped out of my bed while throwing off my pajamas. I leaped into the shower and exited it ten minutes later. While carefully applying make-up over my scar like Lenalee had showed me yesterday, I glanced at my closet. Pastel green? Sounded fine. Had I bought a dress of pastel green color?

I sauntered over to the wall of clothes. Using immense strength, I was able to yank out a matcha hued dress with puffy sleeves. It was one of my favorite of the outfits I had bought. I decided to wear it with some gray Converse because no matter how water-filled my bra was, I still had feet that would give away my true gender.

Then it dawned upon me.

I was enjoying dressing up as Alice.

I thought I would be angrier at myself, but mostly… I felt like I had accepted something very big.

I petted my smooth, shaven cheek with wonder while waiting for Lavi in front of the picturesque park. It was equipped with a statue, a small, yet adorable pond, and comfortable benches were scattered about in hidden groves and such. All in all, it was very cute and romantic. I looked at my cell phone. The time was 3:01. And Lavi seemed like one to be early…

"I apologize for being late." His voice was exceptionally dulcet at that moment, and I found myself a bit flustered. "Can I make up for it by the fact that I brought our lunch?"

A picnic? I was flattered. I showed it by smiling and thanking him. He extended his hand, palm up, and in a ladylike manner I rested my fingertips against his wrist. He led me to a small wooden table with a duo of seats that hid behind on of the willow tree's branches. Because it was a cool spring, most of the plants had yet to bloom, but a lone patch of brave daffodils sprung up from the mossy ground. I couldn't help but admire them for being so bold as to sport a strange shape and a harsh color so early in the year when most people where just being roused from the wintry days.

"It's charming." I gave a coy smile. It wasn't too hard. It seemed to come quite naturally, in fact. But, recalling that I was a lure, I snapped back into defensive mode. "Do you take all your first dates here?"

"Believe it or not…" Lavi chuckled with a twinkle in his eyes. "I usually don't date. Just one night stands. I'm what you call a 'commitaphobe,' Alice."

"I'd have never guessed." I pulled back a stray hair and tucked it behind my ear. Lavi started to lay out an antique tablecloth over the table. It had a cute rabbit design cross-stitched in the middle. I felt a bit of déjà vu, but I just shrugged it off and helped him by flattening the fabric so he could present the food.

"Oh, your sarcasm intrigues me." Lavi opened the woven basket to reveal cucumber sandwiches. My stomach immediately growled like a caged lion. Blushing, I clasped my abdomen with gloved hands. Lavi beamed as if he had accomplished something.

"Haha, oh dear. Good timing, I suppose?" I relaxed my hands and let them rest at my sides as I sat down. The chairs weren't exactly comfortable, but I didn't want to complain and seem, bluntly put: bitchy.

"Let's dig in." He gingerly placed a sandwich in my hand and then took one for himself.

Suddenly, I realized just how dire the situation was. Normally, I am a pretty big eater and with such a light lunch, or rather breakfast considering how I hadn't eaten yet, my stomach would be growling for the rest of the date. Not very girly, but if I stuffed myself I would probably seem like a pig. It did seem like Lavi went for model-type girls whose IQ was the only thing lower than their weight. I was faced with a dilemma that didn't seem easily dealt with. My armpits begin to dampen.

I noticed that Lavi had begun to peer at me with a worried expression on his normally mystically cheerful face. This only made me more apprehensive.

"Are you okay, Alice?" He whispered.

I snapped out of it. "Huh?"

"You've been looking at your sandwich like it's a calculus problem. Are you not hungry?"

"Oh, yes, well, I am, but…" After too much fumbling, I trapped my tongue betwixt my teeth.

A few dreadfully quiet seconds passed and I swore Lavi had totally unraveled my knotted lie. Then he did something I hadn't ever expected to happen in such a situation.

He started to sing.

It started out as a quiet humming to a tune I didn't recognize, but it was very nice and smooth. He continued humming while he swiftly wrapped the food up and set it aside. He hopped up on top of the tottering table.

"Then she appeared: apple Venus on a half open shell. Then she appeared, the first photograph on Fox Talbots gel." He leaped down from the table, plucked a daffodil and switched it with the sandwich. "I was a little frightened. Flying with my senses heightened. Cherubim cheered. Then she appeared."

He knelt and kissed the back of my hand. I felt heat creep up my face. With a smile he stated; "Don't fret. It's just a sandwich. Eat it if you're hungry. Or we can go somewhere else if you want." He stood up tall, eagerly awaiting my reply.

"Oh, but it's so wonderful how much effort you put into this! I wouldn't want it to be wasted…" My mind wandered to the cinema, where they were showing a movie I particularly wanted to see.

"Actually, it wasn't that much effort." He admitted, laughing breathily. "I have to admit I'm not the best chef."

"Oh, well, in that case… But what would we do with the food you prepared?"

"I'm sure someone would appreciate the food."

"Okay, movie theatre it is." For some reason I was really craving a hot dog. Don't laugh, but I was.

((Thanks to those who waited patiently. Damn! I was gone for a long time. Sorry. Don't think I'm going to update tomorrow.))


	6. Teeter Totter

((Well, hello there! I would just like to thank those who have reviewed, read, favorited, etc... It's very nice of you all. And if you were wondering, the song, or rather the quarter of a song that Lavi sang in the last chapter is Then She Appeared by XTC. If you would want to, the whole song can give a clue to just exactly how Lavi feels about Allen/Alice.

Also, thought I'd say that I've been doing some clothing sketches lately of the Alice Wardrobe. I'd love to upload them to deviant sometime, but for now my scanner is connected only to the art computer, but once they are posted, I will give you the link.

I realize I've been forgetting to mark when there is a jump in time. From here on out. When this is put on its own line: '-', a time jump has occurred.

BTW, one more thing. Don't expect lemon. I'm not good at writing that yet. Maybe in the sequel.))

**Confessions of a Cheshire cat**

**six. Teeter-Totter**

I didn't quite understand Lavi. Sure, we'd only met a few times, and this was our first date, but sometimes he did the strangest things. Like, he would burst into song randomly. When he sang at the park, a young girl had stared at us with wonder. My theory is that she thought we were filming a musical. Either that or she supposed Lavi was insane. Which, on second thought, I did sometimes. But what I'm trying to say is that even though Lavi is not quite normal, I respect him. He's fun to be around, and although one moment I want to throttle him with all my ability, the next second he's wooing me like an Edwardian gentleman.

Not too long ago, Lavi was leaping on tables and plucking flowers for me. Then we decided instead of having an ethereal picnic we would rather go see a movie. We were still waiting because, seeing as how we hadn't planned this, we got to the theater during the middle of the movie we wanted to see. Hovering in the lobby wasn't exactly exciting, but Lavi seemed to be the self-proclaimed master of conversation, so I was sure I was going to be entertained.

Curiosity bit me. "Lavi, can I ask you a question?" Lavi looked up. He had been examining our tickets out of sheer boredom.

"Well, of course you can, Alice. I can't guarantee that I'll answer, though." I hoped he was joking, but by the looks of his toothy grin, he wasn't.

"Why did you ask me to wear pastel green? I read some statistics that say boyfriends\girlfriends who control what their partner wears turn out to be abusive, but-"

"Alice, I'm pretty sure I didn't ask you to wear this hue..." He tugged at the collar of the shirt he wore. It was the same color as my dress, but the lettering on it that said "SHUT UP AND DANCE!" gave it a different feeling: more like one that electric lime would give off. "... Because I'm an abusive partner. I just thought... just in cases of situations like these, you might want to wear a good, photogenic color..."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Pardon me? Situations- oh, shit."

I didn't have time to cover my face in time. I had no idea where the digital camera had come from, possible from the pocket of his tight, light blue jeans, but regardless of its original location, it had found it's way into Lavi's hands. He proceeded to take about a dozen pictures of me wearing a terrified expression. After several seconds, he pulled the contraption away and browsed through the pictures. I struggled to focus, for the flash on the camera had nearly blinded me. People within a twenty foot radius gave us weird looks.

"The flash on your camera is stronger than the sun..." I mumbled, pulling on his shoulder in an effort to see the pictures. The least terrible one was the first one, although it still wasn't what you might call flattering. "My face looks like it was run over with a steam roller."

"Aw, Alice, I think it's cute. you look like a sheep. All shy and adorable." His mimicry of the photo only made me more embarrassed.

"Thanks. Now delete it."

"No!" He looked genuinely woeful. "How about in exchange you get to take horrific photos of me whenever you want."

"Just for this date?"

"Nope. Whenever we hang out."

"It's a deal." I reached my hand out very business-like. As Lavi shook my hand, I used my other hand to snatch the camera and instantly took a picture of him. It was perfectly grotesque. He had a sort of half-lidded thing going on with his eyes and his mouth was in a half grin. Sort of cute, I admit, but suitable for revenge.

Lavi laughed boisterously when he saw the snapshot. "That's _awesome_, Alice." And with that remark, he extended the cord at the end of the camera and slid the loop over my head. The machine hung nicely for it was quite light. "Shall we? I'm sure that they're going to be showing it soon. Let's get some popcorn and head in."

Well, well. Never let it be said that Lavi takes himself seriously.

The person at the counter was hurrying around back and forth, juggling large sodas. She set them all down and then looked at us, large glasses bobbing on her nose. Her name tag claimed she was Lo Fwa.

My eyes grew wide as dinner plates as Lavi ordered food for us. As did Lo's.

Lo Fwa used to be a regular at Black Order Cafe before it became an, ahem, cosplay cafe. I remember her requesting me as her waiter each time. She was harmless; just a puppy crush, but if she had memorized every inch of my face, even my lack of scar wouldn't hide my identity.

"A-Al-"

"Pardon me, ma'am? Can I get that food, please?" Lavi suddenly interjected. I exhaled sharply. He probably didn't even realize the fate he had saved me from.

"O-Oh, yes... Sir, ri-right away!" She took off toward the popcorn dispenser and scooped us some, got us a soda, and the hot dog I had been craving earlier.

The awkward silence that loomed overhead as we walked to our seats broken by Lavi. "Did you know her? She looked like she was about to say your name."

I struggled for a lie. I wasn't good at fabricating stories. "We had some classes together in elementary. I was shocked to see her too... after all these years." I grinned feebly.

Lavi gave me a strange smile and chuckled. "It's okay, you can tell me some other time when you're more comfortable. I don't mean to pry."

The theater was packed. I don't know how Lavi had managed to scoot past all the people without tripping or getting captured by fresh gum, but both happened to me several times before we sat down.

As usual, the person behind me was kicking the seat. It seemed impossible, but it always managed to happen. I wanted to turn around and yell at them, but listening, it was probably a kindergartner. I decided to let it slide. I liked kids. I wanted kids.

The commercials ensued. There was one for some cheesy action movie starring a completely unknown actor. And of course there was yet another obnoxious commercial for 0 Positive. It was centered around a vampire who had awaken after a century of sleep. An irksome teenage girl discovers him and 'teaches him the ways of today.' Of course, they fall in love. Blah blah. A few more advertisements 'warning' the audience about awe-inspiring powers of Thunder Soda plagued the screen.

I looked over at Lavi who laughed at the idiocy of each passing trailer. I had to admit, he was extremely attractive. If he didn't fidget so damn much, he could be a model. I blushed a little at the thought. Then something possessed me to tenderly pick up the camera and take a photo, sans flash. He didn't even seem to notice. I don't know why I did it, I mean, it wasn't even my camera and he was bound to find the snapshot at one point. But I put the camera back around my neck and just looked at him from the corner of my eyes.

Then the movie started and he was enveloped in darkness.

It was a terrible movie. I don't know what compelled me to want to see a sappy romantic film, especially one called "Bed of Roses." Lavi said he liked certain parts, but he did seem like a sucker for things like that, so I only teased him a little bit.

We walked outside into the parking lot. People were leaving, mostly couples. I felt like part of the crowd as Lavi and I walked side by side. Not really holding hands, but our knuckles continued to brush against each other.

"Uh, what time is it?" My phone was dead. I didn't mean to ruin the moment, but I wanted to know.

Lavi pulled out an expensive looking phone and said: "It's... 5:46. We spent about seventeen minutes at the park, thirteen minutes waiting for the movie, and the movie was two hours and sixteen minutes."

"Woah, that was a a smart reply. You have the memory of an elephant."

"Thanks, although I can be extremely forgetful." His only visible eye gleamed as if recalling some inside joke.

I couldn't help but wonder what was behind his eye-patch. Was he hurt somehow? Or just screwing with me? I didn't want to ask so early, though.

"Could I walk you home?"

"Oh, but then you'll have to walk back to wherever your car is. My neighborhood is hard to navigate. You'll surely get lost." I gritted my teeth.

"Nah, I pretty much know the layout of this town. I've been here for a year and a half, so..."

"Oh, well, okay."

I hadn't anticipated the walk back to be so quiet. It wasn't awkward: more like peaceful and lacking noise. It really gave me a chance to ignore the fake smiles of neighbors and notice the tie-dye sky. It was a swirl of orange and pink, with one red line stretching across. I was so busy looking up that I nearly tripped over the dead, untended-to hedge in front of my apartment complex.

"Oh, yeah..." I recovered from the stumble quickly, although still a tad embarrassed. "Here I am. I live in that top apartment." I pointed to the very tip of the building.

"Thanks for letting me walk you. I like being around you."

I took the camera off and held it toward him. "Here ya go, thanks for letting me use it. Real nice of you."

He didn't take it. Instead, he gently pushed the camera toward me. "Nah, take some more pictures. You know, kind of illustrate what you do when I'm not around. I wanna learn more about you." I blushed and he leaned in.

I made a total fool of myself by shaking my hands and swerving to the side to avoid the kiss. This date was a farce, I knew. But some part of me wanted the kiss. I managed to convince myself anybody would want a kiss from this man.

"Uh-uh, I don't kiss on first dates." I muttered, looking down at my gray Converse.

"Of course." He replied smoothly, tilting my chin up and planting a short kiss on my cheek. "However, I do."

((Wow. Yay. I am really happy with this chapter. Although it felt really short. It's a treat for all ya'll loyal readers.

A new feature I'm adding. I'm going to tell you what music I listened to while writing this, just so if you listen to it you understand the writing a little bit better.

Nonsuch - XTC

Wasp Star [Apple Venus vol. 2] - XTC

In Rainbows - Radiohead

Thanks for reading. Have a good day!))


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